Notes To You Fanfiction Writers From Us Characters
by GunnerGirl
Summary: Notes from a few of the characters in the Darren Shan Saga from the characters you've been writing about, warning, some of them aren't happy... potential fireworks!
1. Kurda's Notes

A few notes to you fan fiction writers, from us, the people who give you your little stories that keep you so amused at our expense!

Disclaimer: We do not own the Darren Shan Saga, blah, blah, blah… for your information… WE LIVED IT! Come on people!

First, a note from me, Kurda Smahlt, because I have the most reason to complain.

Dear Fanfiction writers,

When Darren Shan (bless him) decided to write his little story down and sell it for lots and lots of money so he can buy genuine Van Gogh and Picasso paintings and trade in his little comic strips etc, you know, we were all pleased for him. Obviously we were a little worried about what we'd look like to the readers and that, but we encouraged him all the way, we never thought you lot would take that story and twist it all up into something horrific! Admittedly most of you are fantastic, you know stuff about us that we don't even know and you create beautiful art with your words that often make us cry or laugh out loud… but as with everything there is always a minority that spoil it. Example being that thanks to you so called 'slash' writers everyone now believes that I'm a gay whore… which is none of your damn business anyway! You're like gnats at a barbecue just bugging the hell out of me! Following me round with your little notebooks, watching me take a shower… it doesn't matter who with, its still invading my privacy! And it's like I'm this watery, washed up whatsa-majiggy! And then there's those of you who dig up my past, which I could really forget about, my blooding, my mother, and I want to know who found my diary to steal all those entries from in the first place, I'll pay a huge reward to anyone who can tell me the name of the thief! But what I do appreciate is when you people defend me, I know a lot of you would give me a different ending in The Vampire Prince and it makes me feel loved that I have so many fans… and I DO NOT think I'm the sexiest and best thing since sliced bread! Maybe the second or third but not THE BEST! Anyhow, I'll stop moaning now and let someone else take over.

Love Kurda Smahlt

PS. If you could please press the review button at the bottom left of your screen and write your comments to me I'd be very grateful, please write 'Comment For Kurda': at the beginning of your message so I know it's for me not one of the other people that want to write notes to you.

PPS. You can also write a comment to the girl who edits all our notes, Elisha (GunnerGirl), I expect she'd appreciate them as well… 'comment for Elisha'


	2. Vancha's Notes

Ok, now wishy-washy has stopped hogging the computer I can take over, notes from me now, Vancha March.

To Fanfiction reviewers (potential authors)

You guys rock! You're all awesome! You set me up with gorgeous women, dress me in nice stuff, set me up with gorgeous women and set me up with gorgeous women! What else could I possibly ask for? Except that whoever dressed me up in a suit, don't ever do that again! Or you'll be very, very sorry! Err…. I don't know what else to say now really, You've picked out some of my best gags and wittiest jokes and twiddled around with them until I'm splitting peoples sides and I love you guys for that! And Whoever prettied Alice Burgess up for me deserves a meddle, the Gods only know I've been pushing her down that road for long enough but she won't listen to me, oh no! Anyway, I better go… by the way, the chat room thing was amazing… you all have to read the if you haven't already because its sooo funny… am I in that? I dunno, I can't remember, I better be if I'm not already… soo good!

Vancha

PS. Review- 'Comment for Vancha':- enough said.


	3. Arra's Notes

Dear Writers

Why am I hardly ever mentioned? You give the tramps Little Kenny and Declan more attention than me! I though I'd be a key figure to you girl writers, what with me being the best ever female vampire… ever! No competition, and I'm the best vampire on the bars ever as well, I don't care what Kurda says! And any whiney rubbish about Larten and me will be used to line my dead great aunt's cat's litter tray! Girl Power!

Arra Sails

PS. Review 'comment for Arra': I dare you!


	4. Darren's Notes

Notes from Darren Shan… THE MAIN CHARACTER!

Dear Fan Fiction people,

One, its bad enough that you imitate and vandalise my work but I mean you don't even make me part of it! You all write about Kurda and Vancha and Mr. Crepsley and Steve and Gannen and even Harkat for heavens sake but I get the tiniest mention ever, I'm the main character God damn it! And I know you've got a hate club against me, I'm not being paranoid I know! Why? Am I such a bad person? Aside from all that I have seen a few bits about me and I really liked them, you're pretty good writers you lot and I can see a bright future in the business for some of you! So what I'm trying to say is carry on, but try and include me a bit more, I mean, after all if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have a story to write anyway!

Darren

Review 'Comment for Darren': PLEASE!


	5. Gannen's Notes

Dear story writers,

This is Gannen Harst by the way. First things first I do not have a sexual attraction to Steve, end of story. Secondly I don't hate Vancha, we're brothers, and I love him very much, even if we seem to be on opposite teams he's still my family and we still have feelings for each other, despite his disgusting nose picking, nail biting, belching habits, his snoring and his repulsive flatulence. I'll tell you now that yes, Steve is a huge pain in the ass, so thank you for those who empathise with me on that point. I'm forced to be with him and I don't like it one bit… apart from when he gives me that glittery look and it… err… yes… anyway. Steve sucks, I don't like all this attention

goodbye

Gannen

Post reviews about my notes as 'comment for Gannen': and then write me your comments.


	6. GunnerGirl Butts In

Hi fanfic writers (and reviewers)

Just writing my own notes now, I'll butt in every now and again just to make it a little more interactive! Sorry if I bore you! Thank you so much for all your comments to the characters, they find them helpful… or downright rude… whatever! Any ho, I'm posting up your comments as a chapter because some of the guys, especially Darren, want to write back to comments you've made and say thanks or, in Darren's case, complain. Thank you so much to everyone who has been writing comments for the characters and I couldn't do this without you. So a great big Vamp thanks to grace Gordon, Arrayist, NeonNissa, Parody Master, guycrazy, INMH, Paws1020, Darth Vyper, Mols, Naomi-Jayne, duziekat, jennywave2, and London girl… gasp… pause for breath! So here is what you have to say to the guys so far, and by the way, if you want any of the characters who haven't written notes yet to make an appearance just contact me via review or message and I'll give them a nudge and tell them to write… after I've finished this Larten Crepsley has asked me to write his notes for him so I'll do that as well… when he can make up his mind as to what he wants to say… I'd leave him to do it himself but he's illiterate so I have t6o sit here and wait…. Yawn!

Kurda's Notes Feedback: Poor Kurda! huggles I've never thought you were gay, that must count as something! You've always seemed so intulectual to me... Oh, and you're second only to Hiko Seijuuro XI from Rurouni Kenshin .

Whoa , Kurda is seriously on a roll!Ek! I better run because I admit I got the stories of his past from a journal from an old dude who was selling it at the fleamarket. So sue me, he was offering it a for only 5 cents !

i completely agree that you are not gay but i do agree that you are #3 in the sexy thing. it goes itachi, garra, then you and evra are tied cuz evra's hot too. your one of the greatest vampires since lestat!(damn forgot to add him to my list now i'll have to redo it.)

I feel very sympathetic, but have to say that I only like you as a slash character.

Hey...you're a really great guy, a bunch of other people call you gay, but your not! I really hate those slash stories, and fanart, too. cause 1. it's nasty 2. its disrespectful (wow...I sound like my father!) And, seriously...how boring can maping be? next time you go, I'll come too!

Oh please I hate the slashes too. I don't know what my sister see's in them...

you know your not such a bad guy...like most people think. and not everyone really thinks you're gay that's why they're called fan'fictions' and we just like poking fun at you guys. why? i dunno. maybe cuz u could kill us in an instant but we know u wont cuz no us no kurda fans. and next time you go map making can i come? im super bored and i wanna see how its done.

Vancha's Notes Feedback: You weren't in the chat room... Have you read the Big Brother one. I feel so sorry for Larten (grins evily) he he he...   
Love Grace (Call me JK got it or I will kill you)  
P.S. I think your so cool

dude u kno ure one of the koolest people...er...vampires in the world. i wish my friends were like u. i mean personality wise not stenchy wise ;) heheh i got u there. but i mean ure laid back most of the time and not stressing but wen u need to be serious u totally are. not to mention ure comfortable around the opposite sex...and the same...unlike a lot of people i know rolls eyes

Glad to hear you're happier with your fanfiction self than Kerda is... I think you're probablt the funniest and most entertaining character in the series! . -love-

I thought you were Marrying me what's this about Alice Burgess?

your so mean vancha! don't call kurda a wishy-washy! kuda is way cuter then you mr. tonail biting guy!

Glad you're happy! Never written anything about you, but if I did, yeah, Alice could be prettied up a bit.

Arra's Notes Feedback: Your right about everything that they said and girls do RULE big time... BOO every boy in the Darren Shan Saga...

You are right my friend!I have yet to see a fanfic w/ you in it. So I shall try to write my own. . . .if i can get over this stupid writers block. . . :-)

that wasnt a hard dare...but the whole u hardly being mentioned thing...i dunno...its good that u respect ureself but i think i respect ureself too much sometimes. and i respect u but not the fact that u wont shake someones hand unless u respect them...wow the respect factor plays a big part in ure character huh...but seriously...dont shun people cuz they're not quite as good as u are...by doing that ure only making them better than ureself...its not a bad thing but its not a good feeling. people are people they cant change themselves as easily as theyd like. savvy? o and by people i mean humans and vampires and half-vampires etc.

Hahaha... That was funny...Poor Arra; I'll write a story for her!... As soon as I pull my head out of the writer's block it's in...

You're right, I suppose. It is sort of wierd, ne? Anyway, being one of the few females, I'm sure you're a favored character among many, but they can't think of a good storyline...? Maybe. Oh well.

if it makes you feel better i'm going to put you in my story. in my best femail vampire you come in first but you better watch out cuz claudia is right behind you in the running!i wish that i could challenge you on the bars but well i'm not really in the mountain so yeah if your ever out and alive come find me!

OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME. I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD BOTHER YOU THAT MUCH. Ps. You should be in more stuff, I agree.

Darren's Notes Feedback: What is your deal? Even from the begining of the saga you've been a crybaby, and annoying! now in Lord of Shadows you're turning evil like Steve! that's not cool. You would have been better off being killed by your enemies instead of having to suffer and become something you're not. It isn't right. You should hire VanHellsing to kill Steve or something. that way you could alter destiny. When Mr. Tiny says "if you did that THE WAR WOULD BE LOST" well isn't that a good thing? couldn't you just avoid it? the world will never know...

Would you stop being such a big baby what about the fan fiction called the Baby sitters you should be the baby in that...

darren...people like you no doubt if not they wouldnt be writing these. u gave us all somthin to think about i mean for god sake u died for ure best friend. thats not a simple task. but we've had 12 books of you, you, you and your life. now we wanna give the other, more minor characters their moment(s) in the spotlight. (right guys) but there are stories of you and there always will be...let everyone else have a turn now. and having Larten Crepsley as ure mentor...u don't know how good u've got it. i'd give anything for him as my mentor

.' It's like I always tell my brother, favoring the main character in anything is so cliche and unoriginal. Sorry.

get a life dude u get too much attention in the books already. let other people have a chance.

.:sigh why does it have to be all about you? and you better not have dissed harket or else i will find and hurt you. i'm suprised you didn't comment about you and evra or you and mr crepsley i wonder why?suspitously stare at imaginary Darren

It's because you're boring. Simple.

Gannen's Notes Feedback: ah! it's my favorite character! You are SO cool...but hanging out with that sleazebag, Leonard isn't a good idea. honestly...do you agree with everything he says? you're pure vampaneze- stand up for yourself! Steve is evil AND crazy. He, and RV gives the vampaneze a bad reputation. Do me and your whole clan a favor, would ya? KILL STEVE! And another thing...I really admire how you did that thing for your brother. Ever since I read book #11 I realized you may be on the wrong side, but your the REAL good guy. Shan is turning into a monster...oh well...rock on. :P

Look I'm taking sides with for once so I dare you to curse Steve to the lake of souls ok...

kay i dont kno u but still...why do u serve steve? ure not forced to. u kno more about ure ways (which i kno he doesnt follow...that doesnt earn him any respect on my account) but look at this man, ure a full vampaneze and he's a half-vampaneze...ure stronger so if u dont like him KILL THE GUY. and i think its kool wat u did for ure brother all those years ago wen he wanted to be a vampire instead. and then he doesnt even raise his hand to...i see alot of respect between u 2...i mean really i hate my brother's guts. i'd never want to help him...so just relax. who cares if people say ure with steve, u kno the truth wether they're right or not. it doesnt matter. the story's already been written, and it never said u were gay so it doesn't alter our opinion of u k?...wats with R.V? that guy's nuts. do me a favor and uh dispose of him will ya? he caused sam's death i cant forgive that. sam was like the little brother i never had. and this is getting too long so bye...give vancha a hug for me!;) lol

You're saying that you're a loving brother, but what is this list of complaints about Vancha? -.- Even if they are true...

um i think u have a problem. just kill stevie. ( even though i love him) i wont care(coughyesiwillcough)  
yeah well  
love it bye

i just noticed something your first name is the same as the evil guy in the legends of Zelda. sorry kinda of random there, you know you shouldn't be so hard on steve i think you secretly enjoy his company (as a friend)even if you say he's a pain in the ass in which of some cases he is.

Glittery look? Ok...

Hehehehe... I can see why he's ticked. All the stories I've read with him in them have him with Steve... And from the way he seemed to be ready to describe "that glittery look in his eyes", He might not be as upset about it as he lets on.


	7. Larten's Notes

Hello

Thank you to all those people who would like me to write, I understand that I have quite a fan club. I'd like to thank Elisha who has offered to write for me, so thank you, though you grumbled enough about it! Firstly I'd like to say that I think all you writers have a lot of potential, I can see that our future in literature will be a bright one with intellectuals such as you behind the typewriter! Secondly, I appreciate the fact that I haven't seen a single one of these so called 'slash#' stories written about me. Thirdly, I'm not quite sure how the news of that dangerous game of six got out, or the news about the strip poker but lets forget about it shall we? I'm glad that you girls find me sexually attractive though… actually, Elisha, cut that bit out it doesn't sound right… err… oh charna's guts I lost my thread! Can you think of something to end it with and cut it off there?

We will be hearing more from Larten Crepsley soon, when he sobers up.

Elisha writing for Larten Crepsley


	8. Gavner's Notes

Dear FF authors

Thank you for giving Kurda all those subtle hints about my sexuality, he hasn't taken them but we can keep on trying, I don't know why he's in denial, he shouldn't be cross with you for telling the truth! I didn't think so many people knew who I was, I mean, I'm not really a particularly big part in Darren's autobiography's, and by the way, now I have a chance to say this, no offence but who actually needs _twelve books_ to write their autobiography in? Even Shane Richie and David Beckham only had one! I'm sorry Darren but it's the honest to the Gods truth! Am I being harsh or do you agree? I also have a request, I like Larten… a lot… enough said!

Gavner Purl


	9. Steve's Notes

To the geeks who have nothing better to do with their time than copy and edit Shan's story,

Honestly, get proper hobbies! Go golfing or fishing or plane spotting or poisonous toadstool picking or something! Why do you all spend all your time sitting there, doing f all but copy that little brs autobiographies out and add your own story lines. Who wants to know about a bunch of loser vampires getting off with each other and regretting it for like another ninety chapters? Nobody cares ok? Normal people play football or go bully year fives or try and kill vampires or something, you know, that's what normal people should do! But I have like a fan club, so I guess that's pretty cool, but I mean I'm sick of people slating me. Ok, so I did wrong, I was stupid, I paid the price. Cry me a river, build me a bridge and get over it! And yeah, about Darius, I love the kid, he's my son for Gods sake! Stop acting like I don't cos I do. Go you people that slag Darren off and boo the rest of you nerds and geeks who have nothing better to do with their time!

Steve Leonard

Ps. If you have something to say to that, leave a review, see if I give a flying f


	10. Mika's Notes

To Whom It May Concern:

Regarding me… Mika Ver Leth:

I feel that I have been treated unfairly in the stories that you record, it seems you all see me in a very bad light! I have a bad enough image as it is without you making up fairy stories about me being evil and spreading rumours that I enjoy inflicting pain etc. So could you please stop this or I may have to find you and cut you, in several places, deeply, and make you watch as you slowly bleed to death!

Regarding slash stories:

Honestly, some of you slash writers are mere children; I feel you need help… either that or you need to be put into care! Your parents must be ashamed! Fancy writing these disgusting, filthy, vile sex stories! And at your age too! Gods, in my day you could be executed for even saying the word 'sex'! Unless you all want to end up as jezebel's and pimps I suggest you stop this outrageous behaviour immediately, take a cold shower, cleanse you dirty mind, and get your life sorted out!

Regarding future careers:

I don't mean to be hurtful, but I feel that not a single one of you 'writers' has the potential to make it as a ten magazine journalist, let alone an author! I'd quit while your ahead, an author isn't a proper job anyway, just sitting around all day writing! A proper job is when you work hard, sweat, break a few bones and are unable to stand up by the end of the day! That's proper work! I will no longer waste my time on the likes of you good for nothings!

Sincerely

Mika Ver Leth


	11. Mr Tiny's Notes

Dear All,

I am using this as an opportunity to tell you about auditions that I, Desmond Tiny, will be holding all decade. I am looking for a Lord of the Shadows so if you're interested please come along to the Lake of Souls at any time between now and 2017 to audition. If you get through you could be the ruler of the world so why not give it a go? If you fit any of this criteria:

Cruel

Sadistic

Confused

Evil

Vampire

Vampaneze

Narrow minded

Blood thirsty

Unsure of yourself

Seeking revenge

Or anything else that would give me a chance to control your mind and make you

destroy the world, you could just be what I'm looking for. There is the small audition fee of your life.

So if you're interested I'll see you at the Lake of Souls sometime in the next ten years.

Hope to hear from you soon

Desmond Tiny

Meddler

PS. If you are unable to come to the Lake of Souls for any reason but are interested in my offer you can reply to me by leaving a review on this note.


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